Why the hipster threat should be taken seriously.
Don’t get me wrong, I love beards, I think it might be why I like Vikings so much, but this book shows what can happen ‘When Beards go Bad’ (I’m copyrighting that title, ahead of the inevitable Channel 5 special).
Stephen Collins writes about Dave, a man from a ultra-conformist town whose beard will not stop growing, and threatens to take over the area. After the usual efforts of cutting and military intervention don’t work, the only recourse seems to be to float Dave off into the atmosphere, but not in a cheery ‘Up’ type-way with multi-coloured balloons.
There is a theme running through this book, literally, a piece of music that Dave listens to permanently. It is on his stereo at home, in his earphones on the way to and at work. This piece of music is The Bangles ‘Eternal Flame’. I know what you’re thinking, ‘Why on earth that terrible song?’ but the mad thing is it played in my head the entire time I was reading, and I even found myself choosing to listen to it on Spotify since then. It should really take me back to my school disco years, and slow dancing with Guy Williams, but now that song will forever be Dave and his beard to me. I’m listening to it right now as I write this, as it only seems right to do so.
Stop listening to that song. I think it’s probably bad for your health.
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I think you’re probably right, it’s going to start intruding into daily conversation, I’ll be asking people to close their eyes and give me their hands, to say my name as the sun shines through the rain. And asking people if they feel my heart beating is just asking for inappropriate contact and a sexual harassment disciplinary. 😉
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Oh, you do make me laugh!
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Brilliant! I suspect the hipsters of Spitalfields would be more traumatised by the Bangles than the runaway facial hair 😀
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You’re probably right 😉 I’ve got a little plug-in thing that plays noises that mice are supposed to hate, and it should drive them out of the house, if ever we need to chase the hipsters out, we could drive about playing The Bangles through a tannoy. 😉
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I’m not a huge fan of bears of any sorts (we have a very hipster postal delivery man and his beard is just silly) so this is really my idea of hell…..😯
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Damn autocorrect! That should read “beards” – I’m very fond of bears!
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Haha! I love bears, too 😉 Now a bear with a beard, especially one that delivered post, is something someone should write about!
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Not this Guy Williams I don’t suppose ? (“Guy Williams was an American actor and former fashion model, who played swashbuckling action heroes in the 1950s and 1960s, but never quite achieved movie-star status despite his appearance and charisma” merci, Wikipedia). This one had quite the moustache but no visible beard – oh and was born in 1924!!
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lol!! Alas no, that would have been more exciting than a lad born in the mid-seventies with mousey hair and Puma trainers. 😉
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Now that’s a strong visual image if ever there was one!
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I’m going to lay awake tonight, staring at the ceiling, my mind tormented by thoughts of hipsters singing Eternal Flame.
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Hipster karaoke! You could also torment yourself with thought of hipsters singing ‘Dancing Queen’, ‘I will Survive’ and ‘Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go’. I think I’d pay (a small amount of) money to see that 😉
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I love the art in this book!
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It is so cool, it make me want a beard 😉
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😀 a bit extreme there, Lucy.
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Maybe you’re right, might cause a few funny looks at work 😉
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I read your post and I thought to myself, it would seem that Lucy’s taken the bus to Surrealville today – cool. Then i read all the comments,and clearly you took a coachload with you, Also you just ear-bangled the world. What is going on?
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Ha! All aboard the kooky bus! Ear-bangling reminds me of something the thirteen year old me tried to do with those really thin wire bracelets we’d wear about eighty of all at once, and it seems no, they don’t make good earrings.
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Ha! The Bangles. It sounds like this guy has a good imagination. That’s worth adding him to my list. But, now I’ve got that song in my head. At least it’s better than Manic Monday…
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Urgh! You are so right, Manic Monday is awful, and for two specific lyrical reasons I shall be pedantic enough to list (apologies in advance) – 1) rhyming ‘That’s my fun-day’ and ‘I don’t have to to run-day’ is wrong and 2) ‘These are the days that you wish your bed was already made’ she’s going to miss a train! Who the hell makes their bed when they are in a hurry?! And I know it was the 80s, but they had duvets then, she wasn’t doing hospital corners on a sheet and blanket set-up. How long does it take the fluff a duvet out?! *and breathe*
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Ha! I completely agree on both counts!
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That looks hilarious! 🙂
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It’s really worth getting, it’s a bit sad in places but the beard shows the people the way forward and they all loosen up and enjoy life more, it’s great 😀
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The day is ruined thanks to this review, soon all you will be able to hear is people humming Eternal Flame everywhere like some strange epidemic from a Doctor Who episode. It won’t be down the book though, it’ll be your fault. P.S. I enjoyed the post otherwise.
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Ha! ‘Are you my mummy?’
I put the youtube link there so people didn’t have to travel far to bathe their ears in the glory of the bangles, it was important to get the whole experience. And it could have be worse! Dave could have been listening to S Club 7 all day.
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Darn, now I have that song in my head, and I’ll need to instruct my brain not to start singing it every time I see a beard – which is daily, considering my partner has one. Am I doomed to sing bad pop forever?!
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Bwahahaha! I’m afraid the answer to that is very yes, very likely. And it works that hypnotic pop can only be pushed out by other hypnotic pop, so you may get free of the Bangles, but it will be only to fall under the spell of Milli Vanilli.
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I wish there weren’t so many bands to push others out… How about Ace of Base? Eek!
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Eek indeed! :O You’ve now got me humming ‘all that she wants is another baby’ which always made me think of the nappy wearing kind. That song was weird.
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The whole 90s were weird! 😀
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