Purgatorio – Bring an autograph book
We join Dante and Virgil on their climb up Mount Purgatory, as they are reaching the level of avarice and prodigality, as like in hell, sinners who sin in an opposite way have to share a level, as God probably saw ‘The Odd Couple’ and thought it would make for some laughs.
As you can see from the picture, there they all are, laying on the ground staring at the rock, above the level of eternal joggers, (they had no zeal in life so doomed to a colossal fun-run in death). The avaricious are calling out how stupid it was of them to want money, and that poverty is awesome. A guy called Statius, who was an author, pops up and it seems he was there as he was too fond of spending. I don’t get the big difference between this level of Purgatory and the level of hell in ‘Inferno’ where the misers and the spendthrifts are. Maybe this lot didn’t sin to quite the same extent? Or were repentant, like when you buy a fabulous pair of boots that cost more than your rent, and you feel bad and take them back. And then they only give you a credit note as they were on sale and you feel even worse?
Aaaaaaanyway, Statius it seems was a big fan of Virgil, and goes all fan-boy on him and tried to hug his knees. It this is normal, Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston are going to spend eternity with swathes of fellow dead people clinging to their legs. As cool as it is these people will be naked. It’s very uncool I will be naked. I’m positive I couldn’t be nonchalant and cool with famous people if I had no clothes on, I don’t even like being in a swimsuit for long, and poor Statius says he’s been there five hundred years. Ouch.
Then all of a sudden, the angels start singing ‘Gloria in exchelsis’ and the mountain shakes, and there is the pinging sound of a microwave as it it seems one lucky sinner is ‘done’ and can go up to Paradiso. This must be like when you’re in the doctor’s waiting room and your number is called, and then Statius shouts that he’s been there five hundred years and he was sure you came in after him.
Gustav Doré’s impression of Avarice. That’s a lot of bums. I’m not sure I’d know where to look.
Lucy
Sarah
Awkward. All of it. Taking an autograph book would be a good idea, but not for autographs, for coverage. Standing next to Nick Cave in the children’s section of a Brighton bookshop found me lacking in courage to say ‘Hi’, and I was fully clothed at the time. So naked? you can forget it. London underground behaviour will be called for: eyes down, address no-one, make eye contact with no-one, hum softly to yourself if necessary to deter unwanted approach from others, remain silent and focused for 500 years until it’s your stop and you can get off.
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Dear god that’s one one tube ride! I think I could make a killing fashioning bikinis out of the rocks, importing cloth sacks. Although, looking for business opportunities on the avarice level of Purgatory does sound like a very quick way to make a trap door to hell appear in the mountain.
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This made me laugh out loud! I fully relate to the boots/rent situation. Also that aggrieved feeling in the doctor’s waiting room. Note I am ignoring the nudity, as I don’t even want to consider how I would feel should I encounter Tom Hiddleston while in any state of undress. Aaaand now I have. Eeek! The question is, would I enjoy reading Dante as much as I enjoy reading you write about reading Dante?
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Ha! And thank you 😉 But yes! You can never now unthink what it will be to meet Tom Hiddleston whilst naked. But on the plus side, he’d be naked, too 😉 There had better be no phones in Purgatory to tweet pictures of all of this!
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This was hilarious!
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Hello Colin, and thanks 🙂 A lot of aspects of Purgatory really do seem to be comedy gold!
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