Purgatory – thou shalt not eat Pringles in bed whilst Netflixing
To recap, Dante is climbing mount Purgatory, of the Wedding Cake of Contrition, as I’m calling it.
He has travelled through the first two ante-Purgatory levels, the front garden and porch of Purgatory, if you will, and is now on the fourth proper terrace, and after meeting the proud, envious, wrathful, he’s hanging with the slothful. It seems sinners can pass through the levels that don’t apply to them, and just have to do time on those that do.
Apparently, the opposite of sloth is zeal. The two examples of zeal given are the Virgin Mary, as she was super excited to be knocked-up, and (rather oddly) Julius Caesar, as he was super excited about abusing power and killing folk.
Now, if you are a lazy, disinterested person, and a Christian, pay attention, as this concerns you. People held on the terrace of the slothful are forced to be constantly running. Round and round. 24 hours a day. If you snort at people in lycra who run marathons, think pastry is one of your five a day (wheat is a plant, right?) and class answering the door to the pizza guy as cardio, Purgatory is going to serve up non-stop jogging. And you can’t take an ipod. And judging by the picture above, no clothing at all will be supplied. I am no stranger to running, and just thinking about the jiggling and chaffing is making me wince. Behind the naked herd, is a puffing Garfield, lamenting his lasagne years, and all the mean things he did to Odie.
Apparently, the only way to avoid this level of Purgatory is to be really zealous, zesty and excited about stuff. Throw yourself in, reach for the stars, taste the envelope, push the rainbow, etc.
I am very excited about films featuring Tom Hiddleston, marzipan, and trips to the bookshop. I’m pretty sure that counts.
Lucy
Sarah
Reading this made me think that I know people who can’t wait for purgatory so they’ve started now – all the custard creams followed by all the 24 hour running.
As for running naked, I usually run in the buff. Only kidding I run IN a buff – a merino tube that keeps my neck draft free, but I know someone who once raced in a mankini, it makes my eyes water just thinking of the chaff! They’ll probably throw a party when he gets to purgatory, a 24 hour running party, but leave your mankini at the gate. I might give that a miss.
One other thing, I never knew Tom Hiddleston had starred in a marzipan-themed themed film set in a bookshop. That right there is Christmas.
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The mankini! I think I know who you’re talking about!
I think we know quite a few people who might enjoy permanent running, and would be quite sad to be moved on up to heaven, although finding a satellite in Purgatory for the Garmin might well cause a few of them to have to serve a little time on the ‘wrath’ level as well.
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I honestly hope that being excited about trips to the bookshop counts. Otherwise, well, we’ve got some serious running to do…
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I’m sure it does, probably somewhere in the bible, in the back. ‘Blessed are those who exhibit zeal when they purchase books, and when it’s spaghetti for dinner.’ 😉
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hahaha XD we’re safe then!
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I love your descriptions, they bring Dante and the painting into today’s world!
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Hello, and thank you 🙂 That’s made me wonder what tools we’ll have for more laziness in 20 or so years time, yay!
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Maybe it will be like in Wall-E and we’ll all be riding round in hovver-chairs!!! I can’t wait!! ;o)
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